1. The Side With the Most Information Has the Most Power

2. To Be Successful, Learn the Power of Silence

For reprint permission, click here.

Top of Page

Many factors determine the final outcome of a negotiation and, depending on the circumstances, their relative significance can vary. at least one principle, however, seems to weigh heavily in virtually every situation.-- the side with the most information has the most power!

Most of us are uncomfortable with long periods of silence.  Americans especially seem to struggle whenever they are with others and there is a lull in the conversation.  We tend to feel the need to say something; so much so that we will often begin talking even before the other side has finished speaking.   This behavior gives the impression that the other side’s thoughts and ideas are less important than our own and constitute little more than an interruption to be tolerated but not necessarily valued.  The art of active and attentive listening is rarely if ever practiced.

In a negotiation situation, such behavior is not only rude but detrimental to a desirable outcome.  The wise and experienced negotiator knows there is power and advantage in being silent.

Contrary to popular perception, being silent does not necessarily mean that you are stupid, perplexed, disinterested, or asleep.  It can and should mean that you are carefully listening and thinking about the issues being discussed.

One of the most serious mistakes the amateur negotiator makes is mistaking silence on the part of the other side as an indication that they disagree or are unhappy with the proposal. Taken to the extreme, we even respond to silence by arguing or making additional concessions when none are warranted.  In fact, there are cultures, such as the Japanese, that are quite comfortable with lengthy periods of silence during negotiations.  Failure to understand this has been detrimental to American negotiators for many years.

To avoid such mistakes, try to talk no more than 50 percent of the time when negotiating.  If silence becomes an issue, attempt to fill the void by asking additional questions of the other side and further exploring their thoughts and views.

1. Coping With Someone Else's Anger

2. Handling Tough Conversations

For reprint permission, click here.

Top of Page

Back to Free Articles Table of Contents

1. The Right Attitude - The Jackie Pflug Story

2. The Monkey Trap

For reprint permission, click here.

Top of Page

Back to Free Articles Table of Contents

Last summer I had the great fortune to hear a truly inspirational speaker.  I was attending a professional conference in Florida and on the program was a woman named Jackie Nink Plug. 

On Thanksgiving weekend in November of 1985, Jackie Pflug was flying to Cairo, Egypt from Athens, Greece, where she had attended a volleyball tournament with a group of students. At the time, she was a special education teacher at the Cairo American School. Ten minutes into the flight, three Palestinian terrorists hijacked the flight.  A gun battle ensued, and at an altitude of 35,000 feet the terrorists took control of the flight and forced the plane to land in Malta.

The terrorists demanded fuel and when it did not come quickly enough, they began to execute one passenger every 15 minutes.  The victims were shot in the head, execution style, and then thrown from the plane onto the tarmac and left for dead. After first shooting all of the Israeli passengers, the terrorists rounded up the Americans, five in all, and sat them at the front of the plane.  Jackie Pflug was among this number.  As she watched in horror, each of the four Americans seated ahead of her was shot and thrown from the plane.  Finally, the terrorists pulled her to the front and in an instant her life was changed forever.  Like the dozens of passengers before her, Jackie Pflug was shot in the head and thrown from the plane. 

Fifty-nine passengers died that day but, miraculously, Jackie Pflug did not.  For five and a half hours, she lay on the tarmac, drifting in and out of consciousness. Eventually, law enforcement agents stormed the plane and thwarted the terrorists.  Soon thereafter, an airport grounds crew on its way to the morgue retrieved Jackie's body.  To their amazement, she was still alive. 

In the years since that tragic event, Jackie has had to adapt to the effects of being shot and the resulting brain injury.  Today, she still cannot see up, down or peripherally to the left - only a small strip straight in front and to the right.  She also suffers from a loss of short-term memory.

In her talk, Ms. Pflug made the point that she has learned to  "see things differently."  She reminded her audience that, "Each of us makes choices daily to be happy or sad, positive or negative. Choose wisely," she smiled.

She also said there were three major lessons she took from that fateful experience:

1.  Have a great attitude.  Expect more good than bad.

In Africa, the natives have a clever way of catching monkeys.  They take a coconut shell, cut a small hole in one end, and hollow it out.  The hole is just big enough to allow a monkey's hand to enter.

They then attach a string to the other end of the coconut shell, place some peanuts inside, put the shell in the middle of a clearing, and hide themselves behind a tree until the monkey comes.

The monkey smells the peanuts inside the shell.  It reaches inside to grab the peanuts; but when it does, its fist, with peanuts inside, is too large to escape the hole.  Then the natives start pulling on the string and they reel that silly monkey in -- because the monkey will not let go of those peanuts to save his life!   All he would have to do is let go -- but he has to have those peanuts.

1. The Secret of Success?

2. What to Do With a Dead Horse

3. Four Ways to Improve the Performance Appraisal Process

For reprint permission, click here.

Top of Page

Back to Free Articles Table of Contents

Once during an interview, comedian Bill Cosby was asked the secret of his success.  He reportedly replied:  “I don’t know the secret of success but I know the secret of failure – trying to please everybody!”  His unusual answer is illustrated in the following story.

An old man, a boy and their donkey were once walking to town.  The boy rode on the donkey’s back while the old man walked ahead, leading the animal by a rope. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked how awful it was that the old man was walking while the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics might be right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed a group of people who remarked, "What a shame, the man makes that little boy walk."  Hearing this, the man and boy decided they both would walk.  Soon they passed some more people who remarked, “How stupid they are to walk when they have a perfectly fine donkey to ride!”  So they decided to both ride the donkey!  Moments later they passed yet another group of people who shamed them by saying, “How cruel those two are to put such a load on a poor donkey!”  The boy and man thought they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

A short distance later, as they crossed a narrow bridge, the old man and the boy lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned!

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one

generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding

a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment

factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to

be tried with horses, including the following:

  1.  Buying a stronger whip.

  2.  Changing riders.

  3.  Threatening the horse with termination.

  4.  Appointing a committee to study the horse.

  5.  Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead

      horses.

  6.  Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be

      included.

  7.  Reclassifying the dead horse as “living-impaired.”

  8.  Change the form so that it reads: “This horse is not dead.”

  9.  Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

10.  Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

11.  Donate the dead horse to a recognize charity, thereby

       deducting its full original cost.

12.  Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s

       performance.

13.  Do a time management study to see if lighter riders would

       improve productivity.

14.  Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and

       therefore performs better.

15.  Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

1. Four Tips to Increase Participant Learning

2. Why Aren't People Participating?

For reprint permission, click here.

Top of Page

Back to Free Articles Table of Contents

Four tips to increase participant learning

If you’ve ever been tasked with running a workplace meeting

and found yourself to be the only one participating, you

already know how frustrating it can be.  No one answers

questions, some people look bored, and some are visibly

uncomfortable or even hostile.   If the team manager is

present, everyone may look nervously at him/her whenever

you ask a key question.  Nothing you do seems to help and

before too long you realize that there’s a significant

possibility that this meeting may end up a total bust!

The first step in getting meeting attendees actively involved

is to understand the most common reasons for non-participation.

Consider these barriers that could hinder someone’s

willingness to take part: